Learning how to stand up for yourself can feel intimidating, whether in a packed conference room, a family dinner, or a one-on-one with your boss. At Zen as a Service (ZaaS), we know that advocating for yourself is a powerful act of self-care. Speaking up for your needs, ideas, and boundaries builds confidence and creates healthier relationships—in and out of the workplace.
As a female minority founder, I’ve had a lot of practice speaking up for myself. I’ve made all the mistakes so that you don’t have to. Here’s how to find that balance between assertiveness and zen to speak up for yourself without the stress.
1. Start with Clarity
I used to be the master of speaking in circles. I often felt flustered under challenging situations, and my fight or flight instincts would kick in, spiking my heart rate and, in response, scrambling my thoughts. I’ve learned that before speaking up, you need to know what you want to say. Writing down your main points can help you slow down your thoughts. Take time to reflect on your needs, goals, or concerns. The more clarity you have, the easier it is to communicate confidently.
Try This: Write down your thoughts before having a tough conversation. A little preparation goes a long way in delivering your message effectively. You might get more our of writing than you expect!
2. Use “I” Statements
When expressing yourself, focus on how you feel rather than pointing fingers. In reality, only you know how you feel from your perspective. “I” statements help keep conversations constructive and reduce the other person’s chances of being defensive.
Example:
- Instead of: “You never listen to me during meetings.”
- Try: “I feel unheard when my ideas aren’t acknowledged during meetings.”
This simple shift can create a more open and respectful dialogue.
3. Practice Active Listening
Speaking up isn’t just about your voice—it’s about fostering mutual understanding. When you actively listen to the other person’s perspective, you show respect and encourage them to do the same. Active listening is a way of practicing micro wellness moments at work, something we do a lot about here at ZaaS!
At Work: Acknowledge your colleague’s points before sharing your thoughts. A simple sentence would be, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but what I heard you say was …..” If they agree, add your point of view.
At Home: Paraphrase what a loved one says to show you’re listening. One of my favorites is, “What I’m hearing is… (paraphrase what they said).” If your partner agrees, you’ve been actively listening! If they disagree, this will give them a chance to rephrase what they want to say and give you more insight.
4. Stand Up for Youself and Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Boundaries are essential to speaking up, but they often come with guilt. Remember, setting boundaries isn’t about being selfish—it’s about creating space for everyone’s well-being so we can all work at our best. Damns are built to help direct and contain the flow of water. Boundaries are exactly the same for our energy levels at work.
Example:
- “I’d love to help with that project, but I’m at capacity this week. Thank you for thinking of me!”
- “I need to take some time to recover, so unfortunately I’ll have to miss this event.”
Own your boundaries with confidence and kindness.
5. Embrace Mindfulness
Mindfulness helps you stay present and manage the anxiety that often comes with speaking up. Before diving into a tough conversation, take a few deep breaths or practice a short meditation to center yourself. One of the most effective breathing techniques is the Physiological Sigh– take two breaths in through the nose and fill your lungs, then exhale through your mouth. This helps release tension and stress within 60 seconds.
At ZaaS, we offer mindfulness workshops tailored to helping employees and teams build resilience and confidence. Learning to ground yourself before high-stakes conversations can make all the difference.
Standing Up for Yourself Is Self-Care
Advocating for yourself is a skill that takes time and practice, but the rewards are worth it. From building stronger relationships to boosting your confidence, speaking up is one of the most extraordinary acts of self-care you can offer yourself.
Ready to empower your team with tools to communicate confidently? Contact Zen as a Service today to book a mindfulness or communication workshop and help your workplace thrive.
